Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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