Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
