You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
