im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
