Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
