So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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