Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
