the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
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finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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