hotel room ftw
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
