My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
