Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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