Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Randomize
