i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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