u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
