if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
