his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
