Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
