I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Best friends brother. Beat that.
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So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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