i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
