Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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