I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
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I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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