I am spending my child support on dildos
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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