Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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