like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
