i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
