he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
