he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
only you would photoshop your dick
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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