So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
