I bet he comes in French.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
