3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
