Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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