hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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