I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
