And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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