6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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