It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
