I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
