Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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