you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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