the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
