I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
