You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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