Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
