p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
