girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
