The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
my liver is dry heaving
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
