I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
