Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
