I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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