She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
