Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
