i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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