I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
