Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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