Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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