either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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