Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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