Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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