My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A bitchslap is in order.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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