Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
