I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Come on in and take your pants off
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