there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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