we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
