Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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