Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
