She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Is it penis luge time yet?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
