How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
