so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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