im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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