Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
