so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
