Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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