Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
vagina is talking i cant
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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