I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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