You're so nebulous sometimes
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
