im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
