Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
