my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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