My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
how does that bad decision feel?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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