do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
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I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
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We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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