I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
