if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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