I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
