I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
