Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
