There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
