He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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